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Melissa, I also find that people are skeptical about an open adoption plan. I recently watched the documentary Unlocking the Heart of Adoption and I found myself in tears as I listened to stories about adoptees who were either lied to about their adoptions or left in the dark about who their birthparents were. I called my mom afterwards and we had a great discussion about how an open adoption, while it can be incredibly beneficial and beautiful for the adoptive parents and birthparents, it is crucial for the emotional health of the child. We are Jack's parents. We are raising him. However we can't deny him the knowledge of where he comes from, who he looks like, and that his mother made this decision with his best interest at heart. I also called our birthmother. Unfortunately, her phone has been disconnected. I am very concerned about that. Watching this documentary made me even more committed to working on maintaining a relationship with her. I am hoping it is just a temporary thing and we'll hear from her again soon. If nothing else, I am so thankful that I will be able to tell Jack about Mama A, how she is a beautiful woman with an infectious laugh and adorable dimples. I really pray though, that someday he'll be able to meet her. Anyway, I would maybe suggest them watching that documentary. It is really interesting and I think really good for people to understand that necessity for an open adoption. I will admit, the open adoption plan scared me at first, but now I can't imagine doing it any other way.

Makes perfect sense, right? I think that's why so many of us out-of-towners want our kids to have Texas pride. That's why we invest in the Longhorns gear, Don't Mess with Texas t-shirts, etc. And it's why we plan our annual trek there! I know it's to a much lesser degree, but it's still parallel. As good adoptive parents, you should want your child to be proud of where they came from - their heritage, their roots, their culture. Kinda hard to do that when the child hasn't experienced their place of birth first-hand!

Ollie is 14 months old. My husband's parents have just come into town, meeting him for the first time. They're the first members of his family to meet Oliver. Previously, they haven't requested photos, haven't sent gifts, haven't acted very interested. It didn't just make me sad for Ollie, but for Steven, too. We used all of our vacation time for adoption-related trips in the past year, so going all the way up to NY wasn't feasible. I would have understood if they couldn't get down here, but asked about him regularly and tried to "get to know him" from far away through photos, videos, etc. But the apparent lack of interest put a large chip on my shoulder. His mom is awkward. We love her, but she requires a lot of time alone and social situations are bothersome. She takes things very personally. Last night, she was talking about some friends of theirs, saying that she was glad one of her other sons hadn't married a woman because she "just gave one of her babies away." It was one of those situations where I thought "do I say something or is it worth it?" I winced. Then I said "I actually think very highly of people who make an adoption plan for their children if they're unable to parent." I don't think that had occurred to her. It occurred to me that it wasn't just Ollie who missed out on having them around and it wasn't just them missing out on watching Ollie grow up... but they've missed out on positive adoption reinforcement. On the first night, my husband's dad saw a photo of Ollie's birthmama in our home. He asked how "it worked." We explained and he said the expected "so can she just come back and get him some day?" He responded really well... admittingly still a little freaked out by the level of openness. But I think we've done everybody a disservice by not slowly introducing the concept of open adoption and easing them into it. The lack of exposure has been unfair to all of us. I guess I say this because I wish we'd sent them information about open adoption. I wish that even if we thought they wouldn't take advantage of it, we'd sent them literature and information of some kind. We should have prepared them to be waiting with open arms. So, as much as I'd like to keep that chip on my shoulder, I think we're partially at fault too because we didn't prepare them like we should have. What could we do at this point to play catch-up a little bit? Any suggestions?