Leaderboard

Ryan & I had to break the news to his 16 yo daughter about our adoption plan. We didn't expect anything negative but with teenage girls & their emotions you never know... Anyway, Ryan was so nervous. We took her out to dinner to tell her. He told her how we had discussed adoption from the very beginning of engagement & we have decided that now is the time. She quickly looks up from her smartphone from which she was texting and says, "Oh, like on MTV's '16 & Pregnant'? They did an open adoption where all the families knew each other & hung out & it was cool." So there you have it, just tune into MTV & they will do the legwork for you. Oh, and yes, she was excited & even joked about when she becomes a big sister, she will tell the baby, you know I'M really your mom! Having 2 BFFs who are adoptees of open adoptions, I have seen the positive effects & know this is the best choice for our family.

Why I love open adoption. The article "A Stroll into the Possible" http://mymindonpaper.wordpress.com/ Heather

My niece, a college freshman, is writing a persuasive speech about open adoption for her speech class (Yes, I'm very proud she chose this topic!) She e-mailed and asked me to share some of my perspective, which I was very glad to do. I thought I would post it here as it gives a brief summary of why we chose open adoption for our family. Both of our adoptions are open meaning that we have regular contact with their birth families through pictures, letters, e-mails, phone calls and visits. We believe that open adoption is beneficial for the child in that they can know the family they came from. That family is a part of them, and they can know who they look like, where they get certain characteristics, health history, etc. They can also ask questions directly to their birthparents (I'll abbreviate BPs) about their adoption decision. Most importantly they can know that their birth families love them. They do not have to feel like they weren't loved or wanted. They can know that their BPs were not able or ready to take care of them at that point in their life, but it's not because they didn't love them. We never wanted our children to have to wonder these things or to have their birthfamilies be a mystery. We didn't want them to have to go searching for their birth families one day. We wanted them to always know them and always have them be a part of their lives. Open adoption is beneficial for the BPs in that they get to choose the adoptive family for their child. They also have ongoing contact to know that their child is happy, healthy, and doing well. BPs don't just forget their child and move on. This is a very painful and traumatic decision that requires great love and courage. While seeing their child with his/her new parents may open some wounds, most BPs share that it is helpful for them to have a relationship with their child and to see for themselves that their child is doing well. As for the adoptive parents, open adoption helps us to raise our child as a whole person, knowing all aspects of their story and history. It helps us to understand and appreciate them and the unique characteristics they have because of the family they came from. We enjoy the friendship we have with their BPs, and are grateful to them for the choices they made. It does not make us feel any less of a parent to our child. Our kid's BPs don't tell us how to raise them, they don't correct or discipline our kids, they don't "interfere" in our lives. They chose us and entrusted us to be the parents. Knowing them takes away the mystery, the secrecy and sometimes fear that can accompany a closed adoption. Our children are not confused about who their "real" parents are. (I don't even like the words "real" because in a sense, we--parents and BPs--are all real. We are not imaginary! And both sets of parents are important in who the child is and becomes) But as far as knowing who Mommy and Daddy are, they are not confused. As they grow, they are able understand the roles and relationships of lots of people in their lives....grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and BPs...and no one relationship takes away from the other. Also, they are able to love and receive love from lots of people. No one can have too many people who love them, right?!