The Very Best of Mothers
The very best of mothers don’t always birth or parent their own children.
(Read that again, and think about what it means.)
The truth is that “mothering” is a verb, and not a genetic trait. Not everybody can bear children, nor can just anybody parent effectively. To be among the very best of mothers is to take on a role that requires a lifetime commitment, to devote yourself to that role while being true to your own calling in life, and to never truly receive the compensation you surely deserve for doing it well.
If this sounds like a largely thankless task, it is. But then consider the added burdens of becoming a birthmother or an adoptive mother, with all the emotional strain and paperwork and policies that the adoption process entails, and you begin to get a sense of why we think mothers in adoption are in a class by themselves.
Abrazo is blessed to know the very best of mothers. The very best of mothers place and adopt here– not because Abrazo isw the best, but because they are! We know this may sound biased (and we admit, we probably are.) But having met and worked with literally thousands of mothers since January of 1994, Abrazo does know a thing or two about great moms.
We’d love to be able to take the credit for their success, but the very best of moms aren’t made by anyone. Some women seem “born to mother,” but the truth is that the best of mothers are self-grown, and the life experiences that contribute to their success are often fraught with unimaginable tests and trials that help to shape their perspectives and teach them to nurture others’ growth, as a result.
For mothers who place/d.
And for mothers that adopt/ed.
Abrazo is an agency that works primarily with women with unplanned pregnancies and women with documented infertility. This means that all of the women we serve are survivors of great hardship, and veterans of life-changing losses. They haven’t “had it easy” their whole lives, and for this reason, they tend to see the women with whom they partner in a child’s best interests as sisters– not opponents.
The recent reunion of a baby Abrazo placed just weeks ago and both the sets of parents who love her so is a case in point. The adoptive parents didn’t bring the baby back to see the birthparents again because they had to, but because they wanted to. They knew it would be good for the baby to spend time in her first parents’ arms. They knew it would do the birthcouple a world of good to see her again. Plus they missed their daughter’s birthparents, and wanted them to know it, too. Seeing her with her baby again genuinely did their hearts good.
The very best of mothers truly appreciate the gifts that others add to the life of their child, which is how Abrazo birthmoms and adoptive mothers can find it in their hearts to truly appreciate the “other mother(s)” in their children’s lives. Are there still moments when they may worry, secretly, about being inadequate, or being less valued than someone else, or when they long to be their child’s everything? Sure… that’s part of every mother’s journey in life. Still, the very best of mothers are determined to not let their own needs outweigh their child’s best interests, and these are the kind of women we feel so fortunate to know here at Abrazo.
Birthmother’s Day. And Mother’s Day.
This Birthmother’s Day (Saturday) and Mother’s Day (Sunday,) we’ll be thinking of 24 years worth of special moms we know, like Debra and Tessa, and Carine and Rosemarie, and Chrissy and Jessica and Val, and Charlene and Jackie, and Michelle and Mandy and Lynn, and Rebecca and Monica and Tanya, and Leslie and Andrea and Christina, and Kamisha and Regina, and Jessica and Desiree, and Melissa and Mallorie and Bianca, and Katie and Riley, and Cynthia and Alma, and Chelsea and Heather, and Rosa and Bonnie, and Merae and Tanya and Tee, and Myra and Melissa, and Sarah and Georgiana, and Fran and Meagan, and Misty and Tamesha, and Judy and Alexis, and Emma and Dawn and Christina, and Erin and Teri and Misty, and Kelli and Sammy and Pearla, and Lisa and Meg, and Monica and Jessie and Liliana, and Mercedes and Kelsey, and Maralou and Teresa, and Courtney and Clorissa, and Amanda and Lanni, and Victoria and Melissa, and so many, many more women in our community who share a child with genuine gratitude for the other mother in their child’s life.
We’ll be thinking, too, of the many other amazing moms we know, who had hoped to have these kinds of loving relationships with their children’s other mothers, but whose dreams have been foiled by factors beyond their control, like miscommunications or open adoption promises broken or other life tragedies that unexpectedly cut short their access to the other. Their disappointment and grief is a reminder to us all of the importance of connections, and making them stick.
We’ll remember also the expectant mothers and hopeful adoptive moms of our community who look forward to the lasting friendships that truly open adoptions can offer, when that’s the true goal.
So for all you mamas out there in the AbrazoNation, THANK YOU. Thank you for anything you have ever done to lift up another mother. Thank you for the trust you have placed in us, for being open to learning about open adoption, and for all the times you’ve gone the extra mile to make it work. Thank you for all the times and all the ways you have “done for” your child/ren, whether or not anybody even noticed your efforts. Thank you for sharing your job title with another special woman in your child’s life. Thank you for all the times you have sought to educate the world around you about the intricacies of open adoption, in order to make the world a better place for all adoptees.
And most of all: thank you for being the very best of mothers… Happy Birth/Mother’s Day to all of you, from all of us.