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Adoption Prayers & Rituals


ElizabethAnn

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As many of you know, my father is a retired Presbyterian minister. This weekend I was rummaging through his library, and found a 1964 Prentice-Hall book called "Counseling The Unwed Mother", by Helen Terkenson. I was amazed how much of the advice contained therein was, actually, still appropriate, given how many years have passed since its publication, and how much as changed in adoption, since then. One of the things that I found particularly touching was a "Service of Dedication" included in this book, which was often used in those days for moms in the hospital who were placing their babies in closed adoptions. I'm taking the liberty of reprinting it here, in hopes that it may be adapted by some of our adopting families and birthfamilies who might wish to use it for ceremonies of their own in the hospital chapel before discharge/placement...

SERVICE OF DEDICATION

The service of dedication gives the new mother the opportunity to do that certain "something" she longs to do; it brings her experience of motherhood out of the shadows into the light of God's presence; it dignifies her relationship to her child; it brings the message of the Gospel to the occasion; it involves her in her child's future through her vows of concern and right living; and it symbolizes the pacing of her child in God's loving care.

Scripture Readings

"Our Lord Jesus Christ told His disciples, "Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:20)

"Whatever you ask in My name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son; if you ask anything in My name, I will do it," (John 14:13-14.) We who profess Christ are truly His disciples.

Jesus also said "Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for to such belongs the Kingdom of God. Verily, I say unto you, whosoever shall not receive the Kingdom of God as a little child, He shall in no wise enter therein. And He took them into His arms and blest them, laying His hands upon them. (Mark 10:14-16.)

Address to Mother

Inasmuch as our Lord has taught us that the little ones are blessed in the Kingdom of God, we believe it is our duty and privilege to present them for consecration by the church, the living body of Christ on earth. No ceremony, however ancient and solemn, has power to change the character of this child or to alter (his/her) relationship to God. Nevertheless, you offer this child to the loving care of Almighty God, trusting in His infinite mercy that in a Christian home, (child's name) will receive such instruction and guidance and the exemplification of right living as will determine in large measure (child's name)'s character and eternal destiny.

Covenant

Chaplain: In presenting your child for dedication to God, do you affirm that you will pray without ceasing for (child's name)'s spiritual welfare and endeavor yourself to serve God in every way known to you to bring His kingdom closer?

Mother: I do.

Chaplain: And do you promise that in token of your belief in God's power to grant your petition you will, God being your helper, serve the interest of God's children everywhere that the least of them may grow in stature and wisdom, and in favor with God and man?

Mother: I do.

Here the chaplain or minister takes the baby from the mother's arms and goes to the altar.

Dedication

Prayer: Accept, we pray, O God, this child, (child's name), whom we now dedicate to you and give us grace so to concern ourselves with whatever things are true and pure and lovely and of good report, following the example of our Lord Jesus Christ, that this little one may be affected by our lives. We ask this in the name of you, who taught us to pray together, saying...

All present recite the Lord's Prayer.

Chaplain: (Child's name), I dedicate you to God and to the service of His kingdom in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Chaplain hands the baby back to the mother.

Blessing

The Lord bless you and keep you, and make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace, now and forevermore. Amen.

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I have tears in my eyes! What a perfect way to bring the child into the world - and what a beautiful expression of love of the birthfamilies and the adoptive families for the child. I am so excited about showing this to my pastor!!

That is awesome, awesome - thank you for sharing this Elizabeth!

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  • 2 months later...

From a lovely little book called "Welcoming Ways" by Andrea Alban Gosline (published by Cedco in 2000, found by me in a bargain bin at Ross) comes this sweet vow:

FIRST WORDS PRAYER

Parents, whisper your intentions for your baby's life in his right ear, then his left ear:

We are your parents and we will care for you.

We promise to reveal the adventure of life.

We promise to love you unconditionally.

We promise to learn from your challenges and inspirations.

We promise to tell you the simple truth.

We promise to pay attention to each of your small moments.

We promise to slow to your wonderful pace.

We promise to embrace your hopes and dreams.

We promise to open our hearts fully to your love.

We promise to become a happy family.

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From a lovely little book called "Welcoming Ways" by Andrea Alban Gosline (published by Cedco in 2000, found by me in a bargain bin at Ross) comes this sweet vow:

FIRST WORDS PRAYER

Parents, whisper your intentions for your baby's life in his right ear, then his left ear:

We are your parents and we will care for you.

We promise to reveal the adventure of life.

We promise to love you unconditionally.

We promise to learn from your challenges and inspirations.

We promise to tell you the simple truth.

We promise to pay attention to each of your small moments.

We promise to slow to your wonderful pace.

We promise to embrace your hopes and dreams.

We promise to open our hearts fully to your love.

We promise to become a happy family.

Beautifully stated intent of every parent! Bravo! ;)

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That is a wonderful sentiment and the sweetest of vows. I want to say that to my girls every single day!

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  • 4 months later...

Here's a cool site for anyone out there interested in designing their own Placement Ceremony.

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Elizabeth,

Does Abrazo usually do placement ceremonies? Other than whatever official/legal things happen at entrustment (which I actually haven't read much about on the Forum)? Some kind of ritual seems appealing to me, but I have a notion that I've read that first parents don't like them.

Thanks, Kay

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Does Abrazo usually do placement ceremonies? Other than whatever official/legal things happen at entrustment (which I actually haven't read much about on the Forum)? Some kind of ritual seems appealing to me, but I have a notion that I've read that first parents don't like them.

We leave it up to clients whether or not they wish to plan a placement ceremony... I think ritual can be an important therapeutic tool, but the placement time is so emotional for everyone that sometimes I think the idea of having to "perform" a ceremony can seem overwhelming for the birthparents (and occasionally, the adoptive parents, too.) However, I have seen some for whom this is a positive and loving acknowledgement of the transition taking place, whether it occurs in the hospital chapel or in our office or anywhere else the participants choose.

(Personally, I like the idea of birthparents and adoptive parents having a special time together in which both can express their feelings towards each other and hopes for the child aloud, thereby "blessing" the baby they share, rather than having it be a formal "handover" of the child from one family to another. Say a prayer, add some music and meaningful readings, flowers and a unity candle, and you've got a simple placement ceremony of memories all can treasure, forever.)

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  • 3 weeks later...

From the www.Ritualwell.org website:

Prayer for an Adopted Child

by Rabbi Sandy Eisenberg Sasso

Adonai is mindful of us, will bless us; will bless the house of Israel; will bless the house of Aaron; will bless those who revere Adonai, the little ones and the big ones together." (After Psalms 115:12-13)

We have been blessed with the precious gift of this child. After so much waiting and wishing, we are filled with wonder and gratitude as we call you our daughter/son. Our daughter/son, our child, you have grown to life apart from us. But now we hold you close to our hearts and cradle you in our arms with our love. We welcome you into the circle of our family and embrace you with the beauty of a rich tradition.

We pledge ourselves to the creation of a Jewish home and to a life of compassion for others, hoping that you will grow to cherish and emulate these ideals.

God of new beginnings, teach us to be mother and father, worthy of this sacred trust of life. May our daughter/son grow in health. May s/he be strong in mind and kind in heart, a lover of Torah, a seeker of peace. Bless all of us together beneath your shelter of shalom (peace), and grant our new family, always, the harmony and love we feel today.

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  • 4 months later...

From Belief.net comes this absolutely awesome resource for planning placement ceremonies and entrustment observances, as well as Family Gotcha Day celebrations, for all people of all faiths: Adoption Rituals

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  • 1 month later...

We are planning having an entrustment ceremony. Our birthmother looked at one I did from Elizabeth's 1st planning your own placement ceremony. I changed some of the words.I got one of my dad's (former minister) friends (former minister) who lives in Texas to do the ceremony. The chapel is small. I think most people who will come will be our birthmother's friends and family. She originally thought it was a "handing the baby over" ceremony. I told her to me it meant more than that. Blessing of the birth, birthmother, adoptive parents, and the relationship we all have. She probably will not be able to come to the baptism so I think it will be nice to do. I will let you know. I am letting her tell me when she wants to have it up to a week after the delivery.I think my husband may only get to be there that long.I think the hospital is going to let us use their chapel even if our birthmother is discharged already.take Care.Laural

Has anyone else out there done a placement ceremony? What was your experience with it?

Laural

Edited by LauralandCasey
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  • 1 month later...

Whoever( from Abrazo)comes to get the reliquishment papers signed if C decides to have the entrustment ceremony when you are there you are welcome to come. I guess that would be Friday the 18th. I will ask C

maybe tomorrow to see if she has an idea. I will need to let the minister family freind know what date we are looking at since he will be coming from Katy,Texas.

Laural

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  • 2 weeks later...
Let me use disappoinment as material for patience.
Let me use success as material for thankfulness.
Let me use trouble as material for perseverance.
Let me use danger as material for courage.
Let me use reproach as material for long suffering.
Let me use praise as material for humility.
Let me use pleasures as material for temperance.
Let me use pain as material for endurance.

A prayer by John Baillie
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  • 2 weeks later...

I did not write this but got most of this from this site. We had the ceremony today.

Service for Giving a Child in Love:

"Our Lord Jesus Christ told his disciples; where two or three are gathered in my name, I am in the midst of them."

Matthew 18:20

On this day of April 18, 2008, Casey and Laural are receiving Joshua Thomas into their family. This is an important and joyous occasion has special meaning for many people. We wish to celebrate the addition of the birthmother, C

and her sons C and M into our lives as family. We wish to acknowledge the birthmother, C, whose love for this baby directed her decision and plan.

Prayer

God Creator you who form us in your image, we thank you for your compassion and understanding in times of sadness and letting go. In the midst of our pains and joys we gather today to give you thanks for this gift of new life.We thank you for this child's birthmother ,C who brought him into this world. At this time of letting go we thank you for your presence which bonds us together in love.

Reflection by Birthmother

Blessing of the Child:

Lord God, you who are mother and father to us, send forth your abundant blessing on this child who is made in your image. We pray this child will have a home filled with faith,hope, and deep love. A home and parents who will love, watch over, and protect this child forever and ever.

Blessing of the Mother by chaplain (he reworded this so she did not have to read it but it meant the same thing)

Dear God-I look to you at this turning point in my life. As I place my beloved child for adoption.You who know the hearts of all creatures, know the pain I feel.Give me strength and courage, the strength to love and let go, the courage to live through the moments of doubt and sadness. Knowing I made the best choice I could. God, Bless my child.Help this child to grown up healthy and happy. Guide this child in this life to know Your ways. Help this child to know that out there there is always someone who loves him. Finally you the master of life, help us to realize that none of us own children. Some are given the privilege of conceiving a child. Some are given the privilege of raising a child . Thank you for granting me the privilege of giving birth to this child. May I always be worthy of your blessing.

Prayer for the Adopting Parents(Everyone)

Bless the parents who will raise this child.Give them wisdom in their parenting. Help them love and protect this child. We thank you for their compassion and their caring. Give them strength and patience,gentleness and humor.

We know they are excited now. We know they are as delighted as any expectant parent in the world. Soon they will have a day they will never forget when this beautiful child comes home to them. Be with them as they guide and direct. Be present during sickness and anxiety. Be there Lord when they need you. We are privileged to be a part of their love.We are honored to give this most precious of alll gifts.Bless this couple, and this family, Dear God.

Closing Response

We remember Them (refers to C, her two older sons, Joshua, Laural and Casey)

Chaplin 1st line, everyone 2nd

In the raising of the sun and its going down, we remember them.

In the blowing wind and the chill of winter we remember them.

In the opening of buds and the rebirth of spring we remember them;

In the blue sky and the warmth of summer, we remember them.

In the rustling of leaves and the beauty of autumn, we remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength we remember them.

WHen we are lost and sick at heart we remember them

When we have joys we yearn to share we remember them

So long as we live, they too shall live,

For they are now part of us, as we remember them.

Final Blessing from the Chaplin

"The Lord Bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you, and give you peace now and forever more. Amen."

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I agree, this is so very beautiful!!!!

And the picture in the gallery is also beautiful, with the sun shining through the window behind you all.

Thanks for sharing this special ceremony and prayer. Wow, what a day!

Karen

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  • 1 month later...

I thought it was a neat idea. I hoped I wasn't being too pushy with our birthmother in suggesting it. I showed it to her when we met in jan. and she liked it. My husband liked it more that day than before hand.I guess it just made sense on that day.We have it on tape so we shared it with birthfamily members who couldn't be there or so we can look at it later.

I especially like that it reflects on how everyone is feeling and that God will be with us in those feelings.

I like that everyone gets a blessing and that we are recognized as all part of one family now.

Laural

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  • 4 months later...

We met a gal who is a distant relative recently. She is a newlywed and her husband has two very young children from a prior marriage. They showed us their "unity sand" from their wedding. It's a pretty glass lidded vase with 4 colors of sand in it. As part of their wedding ceremony the bride, groom and two kids each had a different color of sand which they poured into the vase. Once poured in of course the colors run together and cannot be separated (very easily) and make a very pretty kaleidascope (? spelling). She said this had a big impact on the children - that they've commented after the fact about the unity sand and what it means.

I thought this would make for a great adoption idea. Thought I'd share it in case others might like the idea. This gal indicated that the vase and sand all came from Michaels craft store.

Suzi

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What a great idea for something to "do" after placement...I love the symbolism

Thanks for sharing!

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