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What is Open Adoption?

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WHAT IS OPEN ADOPTION? It's about:

* being able to get to know personally the people you choose to adopt your child,
* sharing identifying information about yourselves with each other through visits/phone calls/correspondence, and
* building a genuine friendship in which contact can continue directly throughout the child's lifetime, so that your child, once adopted, can grow up with accurate information about and access to you and our family.


Adoptions that are open are safe, legal and confidential under Texas law.


WHY ARE OPEN ADOPTIONS BETTER?

Studies show that children in open adoptions tend to be happier, healthier, and better-adjusted.

Studies show that birthparents with open adoptions tend to be more at peace with their decisions afterwards because they have the comfort of knowing how well their child is doing in his or her new home.

Studies show that adoptive parents who have done open adoptions are more secure in their parenting roles and tend to help their children have more positive feelings about their adoptions and their birthfamilies, as well.

WHAT IS OPEN ADOPTION NOT ABOUT? It's not about:

* "co-parenting" or foster care
* being able to change your mind about the adoption after it's been done
* having someone else raise your child until you're ready to take over.


Open adoptions are not "easy"; all good relationships take work.

Openness is not a "right", but a privilege. It's a matter of trust between parties.


Contact agreements are not enforceable in Texas, so it is up to the adoptive parents and birthparents to keep their promises to each other, because neither courts nor adoption professionals can force either party to keep in touch.

WHY IS ABRAZO SO BIG ON OPENNESS?

At Abrazo, we believe that the best adoptions
for children of all backgrounds are open and honest ones.
Because everyone knows that secrets aren't good for children, and
closed places aren't healthy places in which to grow any living being.
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WHAT IS OPEN ADOPTION? It's about:

* being able to get to know personally the people you choose to adopt your child,

* sharing identifying information about yourselves with each other through visits/phone calls/correspondence, and

* building a genuine friendship in which contact can continue directly throughout the child's lifetime, so that your child, once adopted, can grow up with accurate information about and access to you and our family.

Adoptions that are open are safe, legal and confidential under Texas law.

WHY ARE OPEN ADOPTIONS BETTER?

Studies show that children in open adoptions tend to be happier, healthier, and better-adjusted.

Studies show that birthparents with open adoptions tend to be more at peace with their decisions afterwards because they have the comfort of knowing how well their child is doing in his or her new home.

Studies show that adoptive parents who have done open adoptions are more secure in their parenting roles and tend to help their children have more positive feelings about their adoptions and their birthfamilies, as well.

WHAT IS OPEN ADOPTION NOT ABOUT? It's not about:

* "co-parenting" or foster care

* being able to change your mind about the adoption after it's been done

* having someone else raise your child until you're ready to take over.

Open adoptions are not "easy"; all good relationships take work.

Openness is not a "right", but a privilege. It's a matter of trust between parties.

Contact agreements are not enforceable in Texas, so it is up to the adoptive parents and birthparents to keep their promises to each other, because neither courts nor adoption professionals can force either party to keep in touch.

WHY IS ABRAZO SO BIG ON OPENNESS?

At Abrazo, we believe that the best adoptions

for children of all backgrounds are open and honest ones.

Because everyone knows that secrets aren't good for children, and

closed places aren't healthy places in which to grow any living being.

Bumping this up. :)

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WHAT IS OPEN ADOPTION? It's about:

* being able to get to know personally the people you choose to adopt your child,

* sharing identifying information about yourselves with each other through visits/phone calls/correspondence, and

* building a genuine friendship in which contact can continue directly throughout the child's lifetime, so that your child, once adopted, can grow up with accurate information about and access to you and our family.

Adoptions that are open are safe, legal and confidential under Texas law.

WHY ARE OPEN ADOPTIONS BETTER?

Studies show that children in open adoptions tend to be happier, healthier, and better-adjusted.

Studies show that birthparents with open adoptions tend to be more at peace with their decisions afterwards because they have the comfort of knowing how well their child is doing in his or her new home.

Studies show that adoptive parents who have done open adoptions are more secure in their parenting roles and tend to help their children have more positive feelings about their adoptions and their birthfamilies, as well.

WHAT IS OPEN ADOPTION NOT ABOUT? It's not about:

* "co-parenting" or foster care

* being able to change your mind about the adoption after it's been done

* having someone else raise your child until you're ready to take over.

Open adoptions are not "easy"; all good relationships take work.

Openness is not a "right", but a privilege. It's a matter of trust between parties.

Contact agreements are not enforceable in Texas, so it is up to the adoptive parents and birthparents to keep their promises to each other, because neither courts nor adoption professionals can force either party to keep in touch.

WHY IS ABRAZO SO BIG ON OPENNESS?

At Abrazo, we believe that the best adoptions

for children of all backgrounds are open and honest ones.

Because everyone knows that secrets aren't good for children, and

closed places aren't healthy places in which to grow any living being.

Bumping this up. :)

ok Melissa you have corrupted me LoL im bumping this up i hope people read it and i wonder what everyones personal answer is when they are asked this question "what IS open adoption?" because i know ive been asked alot already and almost daily by my mother to explain more.My answer to people has been "its a realtionship of people that are able to see all sides of a coin and realize it all revolves around a child.Its a love that knows how to share and cherish at the same time for the greater good.Its a world created for the best interest of a baby.But most of all its a gift to everyone involved and a challenge conquered and grown through by everyone living it." usually people tell me it sounds like a hard but great way to go about adoption which i always respond "it should be the only way adoption is done." SO whats ya'lls answer when asked?

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I just got asked this today. I told her that openness allows our son to be surrounded by as much love as possible, to never wonder where he came from, to never fantasize over what his birthparent(s) look like, etc. It's a relationship, with highs and lows like any other, that grows from mutual respect and healthy boundaries that keep the focus on the child and his/her longterm best interest. After all, that child's best interest is what brought us together and it should be the glue of what binds us as well. It isn't co-parenting (we get asked that a lot) and it isn't foster parenting. But it is a gift we all give each other, but most of all it means our child never has to doubt how loved he is.

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I just got asked this today. I told her that openness allows our son to be surrounded by as much love as possible, to never wonder where he came from, to never fantasize over what his birthparent(s) look like, etc. It's a relationship, with highs and lows like any other, that grows from mutual respect and healthy boundaries that keep the focus on the child and his/her longterm best interest. After all, that child's best interest is what brought us together and it should be the glue of what binds us as well. It isn't co-parenting (we get asked that a lot) and it isn't foster parenting. But it is a gift we all give each other, but most of all it means our child never has to doubt how loved he is.

OF COURSE you got asked this today LOL how ironic huh :) i LOVE your answer i think that is very well put and very fitting thanks for the input on this as always friend

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How funny that this just got bumped! Just last week we had very nice pest control man come to our home to treat our lawn. Yorick was awake and was of course being adorable by smiling at him and "talking" to him. He kept asking questions about whether or not I had a natural delivery, etc... Sounds like strange questions I know but he was talking to me first about his two miracle daughters-wife wasn't supposed to be able to conceive etc...so in context his questions weren't strange!

Anyway I explained that Yorick is adopted and that the adoption is open and that both my husband and I were welcomed in the operating room by the birthmom for his c-section delivery. I'm a quick to share type person and maybe in hindsight this pest control guy didn't really need to know all of the details but like I said before, quick to share and I couldn't help myself! I'm proud of it!

His first response was "aren't you afraid with it being open that his mom will try to get him back?" My first response was that I am his mom and then no I'm not! Then I tried to educate about what open adoption really is. Not sure I changed his mind but I love that I got to tell Yorick's story!

Anyway I love how Melissa described it-it's exsctly how I feel about it. With so many uncertainties in raising a child I love that Yori will never question whether his birthmom loves him. Knowing you are loved by everyone in your life is so important to us and we are thankful to S to wanting to remain in our lives, despite the pain and sadness this might cause her, so he will never question that fact.

I'm sure we will have many more opportunities in his life to educate about open adoption and we look forward to it!

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How funny that this just got bumped! Just last week we had very nice pest control man come to our home to treat our lawn. Yorick was awake and was of course being adorable by smiling at him and "talking" to him. He kept asking questions about whether or not I had a natural delivery, etc... Sounds like strange questions I know but he was talking to me first about his two miracle daughters-wife wasn't supposed to be able to conceive etc...so in context his questions weren't strange!

Anyway I explained that Yorick is adopted and that the adoption is open and that both my husband and I were welcomed in the operating room by the birthmom for his c-section delivery. I'm a quick to share type person and maybe in hindsight this pest control guy didn't really need to know all of the details but like I said before, quick to share and I couldn't help myself! I'm proud of it!

His first response was "aren't you afraid with it being open that his mom will try to get him back?" My first response was that I am his mom and then no I'm not! Then I tried to educate about what open adoption really is. Not sure I changed his mind but I love that I got to tell Yorick's story!

Anyway I love how Melissa described it-it's exsctly how I feel about it. With so many uncertainties in raising a child I love that Yori will never question whether his birthmom loves him. Knowing you are loved by everyone in your life is so important to us and we are thankful to S to wanting to remain in our lives, despite the pain and sadness this might cause her, so he will never question that fact.

I'm sure we will have many more opportunities in his life to educate about open adoption and we look forward to it!

Aww Kelli i totally get it i have my moments of :over sharing" too in case it doesnt come across on here hahahaha But im sure that him hearing the pride in your voice as you spoke about S made your answer of what open adoption is very clear to him.And i love that you love the fact Yori will know how much love he has from so many angles.Having a mom that is determined to make sure he knows that is a special gift and a great part of open adoption i think.

Thank you for sharing :) i really thought this would get more responses because i really want to use it at group for the non forum girls.we have a few that arent sure and wondering if open adoption works or how the APs feel about open adoption really is a fear for them.So really thank you and Melissa for your help in aiding me to ease that for them by giving a glimpe into ya'lls side and view :)

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I agree with Melissa, too. Open adoption to me is family. Open adoption gives our son (and us) a bigger family and more people that love him. It means he gets to know all sides of his family and never question how much he is loved by each side. He gets to see who he looks like and where he gets his talents from. He gets to know his grandmas and his sisters. He gets to see his first family embrace all of us as family and us as his parents so he doesn't have to wonder if this is really what they thought was best. None of this would be possible without open adoption.

Each open adoption relationship will be different, just as each other kind of relationship is different, but I think every open adoption will allow the child/ren to benefit from knowing all sides of their family.

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I agree with Melissa, too. Open adoption to me is family. Open adoption gives our son (and us) a bigger family and more people that love him. It means he gets to know all sides of his family and never question how much he is loved by each side. He gets to see who he looks like and where he gets his talents from. He gets to know his grandmas and his sisters. He gets to see his first family embrace all of us as family and us as his parents so he doesn't have to wonder if this is really what they thought was best. None of this would be possible without open adoption.

Each open adoption relationship will be different, just as each other kind of relationship is different, but I think every open adoption will allow the child/ren to benefit from knowing all sides of their family.

I love this response too :) and it actually made me wonder if ya'll think that being in an open adoption and growing up looking at this big family brought together by love for love if it helps create adults that can see society as a community and not strangeers?If they have a greater sense of helping others and giving back and paying forward? i can see that happening in me already and i read how alot of ya'll are that way too so do you think that being in open adoption helps that or being in Abrazo does it? Just a random thought thanks for inspiring it Beth :)

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I agree with Melissa, too. Open adoption to me is family. Open adoption gives our son (and us) a bigger family and more people that love him. It means he gets to know all sides of his family and never question how much he is loved by each side. He gets to see who he looks like and where he gets his talents from. He gets to know his grandmas and his sisters. He gets to see his first family embrace all of us as family and us as his parents so he doesn't have to wonder if this is really what they thought was best. None of this would be possible without open adoption.

Each open adoption relationship will be different, just as each other kind of relationship is different, but I think every open adoption will allow the child/ren to benefit from knowing all sides of their family.

I love this response too :) and it actually made me wonder if ya'll think that being in an open adoption and growing up looking at this big family brought together by love for love if it helps create adults that can see society as a community and not strangeers?If they have a greater sense of helping others and giving back and paying forward? i can see that happening in me already and i read how alot of ya'll are that way too so do you think that being in open adoption helps that or being in Abrazo does it? Just a random thought thanks for inspiring it Beth :)

I agree with the above responses. I think that open adoption can mean many different things depending on the situation but at the heart of it is honesty and love. I do think that you do start to look out from yourself and see that your child can benefit not only from your family, but also from their other family! One thing that going through the adoption process has done for me is given me a lot of gratitude. I think that sense of gratitude is what makes me want to try to help others and "pay it forward." I think when the birthfamilies and adoptive families have gratitude for each other and the part we play in each other's lives then there is greater respect and committment to the child's well being. One of my biggest hopes for my boys is that they grow up never feeling competition or jealousy between families. I want them to be free to love both sides and not feel like they are going to hurt one person they love be loving another. Love definitely expands, and not divides so there is no reason for them to feel like they have to limit theirs. I think BOTH birthfamilies and adoptive families have to work hard to talk well of and respect the other family so the child feels this way.

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Mandi - those are great questions. I could definitely see that being the case. I also wonder if maybe those that have those values already are attracted to open adoption in part because they/we don't see birthparents as "other" or "stranger" but as an important part of their child's family and community?

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Mandi - those are great questions. I could definitely see that being the case. I also wonder if maybe those that have those values already are attracted to open adoption in part because they/we don't see birthparents as "other" or "stranger" but as an important part of their child's family and community?

Great point!! I didnt even think about that..see this is why i love the forum i get to see things from all kinds of angles!! Thanks Beth!

I agree with Melissa, too. Open adoption to me is family. Open adoption gives our son (and us) a bigger family and more people that love him. It means he gets to know all sides of his family and never question how much he is loved by each side. He gets to see who he looks like and where he gets his talents from. He gets to know his grandmas and his sisters. He gets to see his first family embrace all of us as family and us as his parents so he doesn't have to wonder if this is really what they thought was best. None of this would be possible without open adoption.

Each open adoption relationship will be different, just as each other kind of relationship is different, but I think every open adoption will allow the child/ren to benefit from knowing all sides of their family.

I love this response too :) and it actually made me wonder if ya'll think that being in an open adoption and growing up looking at this big family brought together by love for love if it helps create adults that can see society as a community and not strangeers?If they have a greater sense of helping others and giving back and paying forward? i can see that happening in me already and i read how alot of ya'll are that way too so do you think that being in open adoption helps that or being in Abrazo does it? Just a random thought thanks for inspiring it Beth :)

I agree with the above responses. I think that open adoption can mean many different things depending on the situation but at the heart of it is honesty and love. I do think that you do start to look out from yourself and see that your child can benefit not only from your family, but also from their other family! One thing that going through the adoption process has done for me is given me a lot of gratitude. I think that sense of gratitude is what makes me want to try to help others and "pay it forward." I think when the birthfamilies and adoptive families have gratitude for each other and the part we play in each other's lives then there is greater respect and committment to the child's well being. One of my biggest hopes for my boys is that they grow up never feeling competition or jealousy between families. I want them to be free to love both sides and not feel like they are going to hurt one person they love be loving another. Love definitely expands, and not divides so there is no reason for them to feel like they have to limit theirs. I think BOTH birthfamilies and adoptive families have to work hard to talk well of and respect the other family so the child feels this way.

Great response as always Hannah! Thanks for sharing!!

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I agree with Melissa, too. Open adoption to me is family. Open adoption gives our son (and us) a bigger family and more people that love him. It means he gets to know all sides of his family and never question how much he is loved by each side. He gets to see who he looks like and where he gets his talents from. He gets to know his grandmas and his sisters. He gets to see his first family embrace all of us as family and us as his parents so he doesn't have to wonder if this is really what they thought was best. None of this would be possible without open adoption.

Each open adoption relationship will be different, just as each other kind of relationship is different, but I think every open adoption will allow the child/ren to benefit from knowing all sides of their family.

I agree with this as well. People ask us about our relationship with Landon's birthfamily and the best answer I have is that it feels like family. And by that I mean that I see them as the same way I see my sister or my in-laws or my cousins ans so on. They are just part of the family, it doesn't matter to me that they came into our lives a couple years ago and as a result of adoption.

I also think that embracing open adoption does help open my eyes to be more accepting of others and their situations. I still fall into gossip and may make some comments about certain people or things, but I consciously know that this is happening less and less and that I'm trying to put myself in that person's situation before judging them on something. I think adoption had something to do with that...but I also think just raising a child and being forced to focus on someone other than myself has helped tremendously. When I look at Landon and he's being goofy or says something that just makes me smile, it makes me realize that the petty thing I was gossiping about or the irritation with a co-worker over a small issue really isn't that important. I think having a child now has helped me get past some of those things. I still have times when I need to vent or when I'm frustrated but I feel like I worry less about things I can't control and more about things that I can control.

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Open ADOPTION embraces the heart of a child that connects him/her to their roots, their daily living, the love of their adopted family, their birth family, which are ALL his/her family and The legacy all these foot prints will leave with them as they travel their life's journey. :wub:

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