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Parenting: Then & Now


ElizabethAnn

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Our parents lived in a different world, and it couldn't help but have influenced the way they raised us.

Just for fun: what tips, tools or techniques can you think of, that parents made ample use of in the past but which now are outdated or out of vogue? What products have disappeared, and why? What rules or advice have changed over time, and with the many changes in our society?

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Oh this is such a timely post!

My niece, her husband and their super cute 9 month old (very active, crawling, etc) have been staying at my sister's house for the past couple of weeks before they move to Virginia. My sister's house is semi-childproof (from the days of when I would visit with Kayleigh when she was into everything) but she has a brick hearth around her fireplace (and Drew is pulling up on everything he can reach) and has a marble coffee table, etc etc etc - there just seems to be so many things he can get hurt on - although, the stairs and kitchen are gated off (thanks to the gates left over from Kayleigh's exploring days) so at least the biggies are out of his range. Anyway, the other day, my mom and I went for a visit and everyone was on watch and keeping him safe from the scary sharp, hard things he could get hurt on....my sister, my nephew, niece-in-law, nephew-in-law, niece, mom, me, even Kayleigh was doing her part to keep Drew safe...anyway, when we were driving home, my mom - in a very exasperated voice said, "I don't know why they don't get a playpen and just keep him in a playpen with some toys! That's what we used to do with you girls and it sure was a lot easier that way - I could get things done...etc etc etc"

I just laughed at her and said, "Uh mom...playpens are wayyyy a thing of the past - noone does that anymore - the thinking now is that part of the learning occurs when the child is allowed to explore and touch everything, etc - it's just really important to make sure everything is child-proofed so they can't get hurt, etc etc etc" and my mom just didn't agree - she kept saying - but Drew was just into everything, they need a playpen! I was trying to explain to her that while that may sound like a solution, I highly doubted that Drew would stay in a playpen (even with a few toys) because he's never been confined to a playpen before and would think he's in some sort of baby jail. She never did get it - she just kept saying, "Well, that's what I did with you girls and you all turned out okay" etc etc etc...it was a comical conversation - my mom is usually pretty good about all the changes that have happened these days with kids but she sure did have that playpen idea stuck in her head. I told her that just because they did that when we were kids didn't mean it was a good thing - they also didn't use car seats for children/babies when I was little but that doesn't mean we should do that now!

-Lisa

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I just laughed at her and said, "Uh mom...playpens are wayyyy a thing of the past - noone does that anymore - -Lisa

Wel-l-l-l-......................I did. We bought a playpen for Catherine when she was coming up on a year old (I don't remember the exact age, I'd have to dig around and find the receipt). But I know she wasn't walking yet. We got a Pack 'n Play, that you could fold up and travel with. I also bought a terrycloth playpen sheet to put over the mattress, and it doubled as her bed when we travelled. The playpen went to West Virginia, California and North Texas with us. It was also so handy to place her in there when I was cooking dinner and needed to keep my attention on the stove and not worry about a roving child!

I do remember, though, when we stopped using it. It was the 2000 Christmas holiday, and Catherine was 27 months old. I put her in the playpen before I went into another room, and before you know it there she was standing next to me! At that point she could easily climb out when standing on top of a toy. So, I packed up the Pack 'n Play! But, it did give me a year or so of peace of mind. She didn't have to be "strapped in" like you would with a swing or bouncy chair, and she had plenty of room to stand, walk around, and lay down, and I always had books and other soft toys in there for her. I took lots of cute pictures of her in her playpen, and if I ever get a scanner, I'll add them to our Gallery!

Sorry, Lisa...I'm with your mom on this one!!!!!!!!!! ;)

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This is fun! My little brother is 5 yrs younger than me and I remember when he was a baby we would put him in his swing that you had to "crank"! He loved that swing and it would put him to sleep immediately BUT if it quit swinging he woke up crying to swing some more! So, I can remember every few minutes my mom saying "someone go crank Craig's swing!" :blink: I LOVED to wind it up real good so it would swing real fast at first! What great memories! Edited by TheEnglishes
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THEN: Allowance was something kids "earned."

NOW: Allowance is something kids "deserve."

THEN: "My space" was where you were when you shut your bedroom door.

NOW: "My Space" is a dangerous playground that brings the outside world into your home environment.

THEN: Spare the rod and spoil the child.

NOW: Use the rod and risk an investigation by Child Protective Services.

THEN: You had to call home to ask if you could eat dinner at your friend's house.

NOW: You have to call out to get food delivered to eat at your house.

THEN: All grown-ups were always "right."

NOW: All grown-ups constitute a potential source of "stranger danger."

THEN: Being grounded meant getting locked in your room with no dinner.

NOW: Being grounded means losing your car keys, your cell phone and I-pod temporarily.

THEN: Kids were free to explore near and far, so long as we didn't play in the streets.

NOW: Exploring means climbing McDonald's playland with your parents keeping close watch from near by.

THEN: Bedtime was when the street lights came on.

NOW: Bedtime is when the TV's shut off.

THEN: "Kids with problems" were considered the exception, not the norm.

NOW: "Kids with problems" are considered the norm, not the exception.

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SO TRUE!!

Especially the "Spare the rod, spoil the child....get investigated by Child Protective Services...."

This would also apply to the schools. Some of the teachers I had would be IN JAIL now....

I had a 4th grade teacher who hit the boy behind me on the back with a Geography book (I am NOT making this up!) I felt the wind from the book! He was a troublemaker, true....but today that would spell "LAWSUIT" for sure. This same teacher would also walk through the aisle and rap you on top of the head with a pencil if you weren't doing your work (now, I did get rapped a few times.)

Our teacher in 5th grade threw erasers at us. There were paddlings at the front of the room. My dad even sent me off to the 1st grade with this admonition "If you ever get spanked at school, you'll get one twice as hard when you get home."

Now, this sounds harsh, I know.....but consider it from a different viewpoint....

THERE WERE NO GANGS IN MY COMMUNITY.

THERE WAS NO GRAFFITTI OR VANDALISM

CHILDREN SAID "YES SIR" "YES MA'AM" ''NO SIR"

WHEN AN ADULT ASKED YOU TO DO SOMETHING, OR TOLD YOU NOT TO DO SOMETHING.....YOU LISTENED...AND YOU DID WHAT YOU WERE TOLD TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE LEFT OUR DOORS UNLOCKED WHEN WE WERE AWAY FOR THE DAY....AND NOTHING WAS EVER MISSING!!

PEOPLE NEVER LOCKED THEIR CAR DOORS....AND THERE WAS NO HOT-WIRING OR VANDALISM OR THEFT!

WE RESPECTED OUR ELDERS ( WHICH WOULD BE ANY ADULT) AND THAT IS WHAT I SEE LACKING TODAY!

OK...thanks for letting me VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B)

Edited by marthaj
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Oh Marthaj, you make me nostalgic.

Now, I know that you are slightly older than me, but I had similar experiences in school. In fact, 3 days before I graduated from high school I got three "licks" from the principal. I had my third tardy of the six weeks and there weren't enough days for after school detention. So, into the principal's office with a slightly grinning librarian as witness and my mini-skirt clad behind got 3 not-so-gentle pops. Makes my eyes water just thinking about it.

I remember that I expected my parents would always agree with my teachers. They did. They were slightly different with my younger sister, but I think even the teaching ranks were changing as the time passed. I taught school with another young woman who graded in purple because she felt red was too demoralizing. <_<

My hometown is still somewhat like the old days, but violence and crime have touched even there. Nowhere is safe. I hate that we have to be on guard 24/7 for the sake of our children. The freedoms we enjoyed as children are impossible these days. It may take a village to raise a child, but first check to see if there are any sexual offenders in your zip code!

What a world we live in,

Christina

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I grew up in a tiny little town and moved upon getting married. Mickey and I wanted to get a taste of big city life. What we got was the best of both worlds. We bought a house that seemed to be out in the country, but it was only a 25 minute drive to downtown Nashville.

Anyway, when we became homeowners we were not parents, just tired school teachers. So when the first Halloween rolled around I was shocked (and very saddened) that MOST of the children in our area no longer Trick-or-Treated!!! :( I just couldn't believe it (still can't)...

Almost every big church in the area (and some local high schools) would have a Trick-or-Trunk where kids went around (with their parents) to fish candy out of car trunks.

I am just so naive. Mickey and I had no idea things had gotten so out of control (as far as safety issues for our children).

I am not that old, but even when I grew up and went Trick-or-Treating my parent NEVER went with us (except when we were tiny tots). We were dropped off or allowed to roam around many many city blocks with no adults. As irresponsible as it sounds, there didn't seem to be much of a need for adult accompaniment in my tiny hometown. Everyone knew one another...many of us slept at night without thinking to lock our doors. Just a sleepy little town full of trusting souls.

Halloween was a night full of cool Autumn air, colorful leaves rustling leaves, the smell of wood burning stoves, and a town crawling with little spooks and goblins eager to count their candies.

Since moving back to my original little hometown, I have noticed that change has crept in. Parents still allow their children to go door to door but Mom and/or Dad are close behind.

There is no way I would let Makayla go out Halloween night without me. It saddens me that parents feel like they can not trust others, but it saddens me more that they are justified in being suspicious of others.

Every week (it seems) I get a new email alerting me of a new sex offender that has moved to my zipcode (or surrounding area). :( :angry:

I just wish people would behave...and children could stay innocent a little longer. Those were the "Good Ol' Days"...

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Speaking of what "used to be" in caring for children and also thinking about playpens reminded me of B.F. Skinner (I had the pleasure of meeting Fred Skinner once - one of my Profs was his graduate assistant. If you took psych you no doubt remember the Skinner Box) and his "baby tender."

Anyway, according to his web site, when his wife was pregnant, "she wondered whether he might design a crib that would be safer than the typical crib with its bars that could trap a leg and blankets that could suffocate a baby. He could, and did. Proud of his new invention, an enclosed and heated crib with a plexiglass window, he sent an article to the popular magazine the Lady's Home Journal. Changing Skinner's title to grab attention, the article came out as "Baby in a Box". The "baby tender", as Skinner called his crib, was used only as a bed for the new baby. Deborah had a playpen and spent as much time out of her bed as do other infants."

There were rumors that being reared in a "human Skinner-Box" had caused tremendous problems for his daughter. You might want to read her rebuttal to that in an artice titled I was not a lab rat. Mostly I have just included the link so you can see a photo of her in the baby tender.

Can you imagine telling your social worker that you have your child sleeping in one of these? Talk about an investigation by Child Protective Services!

Edited by DrMom
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  • 2 weeks later...

We had such a great neighborhood when i was growing up. We had a TON of kids and we played kick the can, flash light tag, and kick ball..........there was always action! We played marbles, we hauled all our barbie stuff to each other's yards......We were called home when my Dad whistled really loud. All the kids knew that was "our" call to home. We played outside ALL day, we went to pool all summer! Our neighborhood is newer so we thought it would have alot of kids, but not really a few babies, but mostly teens. We are pretty bummed there are no baseball games or tag playing in our neighborhood..............we are still hoping!

One thing from my past which is probably gone for a good reason......We used to ride in a rear facing staion wagon! Yikes, we actually stared at oncoming traffic! :o

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Then and now.. or can I alter a bit and say international vs Domestic..

My previous Belarussian nanny wouldn't let my daughter sit on cement (even a bench) because it would affect my 7 yo's future fertility. The babushka (grandma-nanny) still won't sit on a bench- why? The woman is 70 years old-she's not worried about fertility- but she was afraid it would cause some female problem. This isn't just her- it's the mind set of the Eastern block countries. (Now.. I don't like to sit on cement during the winter BECAUSE IT'S COLD not because it will affect my female organs.

Edited by cdgni
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