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Congratulations Mark, Laurie and Big Sister Bailey. And welcome to another Lubbock Abrazo Baby! What a blessing to be able to raise your two girls together and be reunited with their firstmom, too. Oh the joys that open adoption can bring, even in the midst of confusion and loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

I agree with Toni. I've been watching for this and still missed it by 5 pages! Congratulations to Brennan's whole family on welcoming him so lovingly into the world. May all of you be blessed beyond measure. All our love, Christina, Robert, Samuel and Abigail

Well, it looks like I gave up too early last night. I last checked in about 10:15, when I was delighted to see that our Abrazados alumni, Erik and Nichole, had taken placement of Baby Girl #2, but thought they must be waiting 'til today for the Wombles. Oh well! It was great news to log into this morning. Congratulations to both families!! Good work, Abrazo ladies!! Love, Christina

Amanda, Abrazo only accepts as many families as they feel they have a legitimate ability to match and place within a given year. So, that's the numeric limitation. There are applicants they don't accept into the full-service program for reasons other than numbers, but as you say, you're flexible, etc. and so are less likely to be "rejected" on those grounds. The process probably feels long, waiting for replies to inquiry, then application, etc. It's a waiting game, but you must trust that you will find the right agency for you and your child will be in your arms when the time is right. Keep the faith and good job getting busy on all the other parts of the process. Christina

Oh, so well said, as usual, Lisa. Thanks for amplifying my point. Christina

Elizabeth, Thanks for the compliments. And no, I don't want to field all those questions. (Or the ones from people who want to pretend to want an open adoption until they take placement or finalize). I hope I didn't go beyond my call, but I felt some real life situations would help show what might appear on the horizon for prospective adoptive families. Families really need to have a good grasp of what adoption is going to require of them. I've tried to emphasize this in other posts. There are so many areas of our lives that are/will be touched by adoption, we need to be ready. Finances may seem callous to talk about, but they play a major role in having a family, by whatever means. Finances are a huge area for problems within a marriage and the stresses of adoption can only add to that if the issues haven't been dealt with and the families are underprepared or underinformed of potential costs. So, that's why I went into so much detail and didn't fall back on, "Refer all financial questions to Abrazo." I think true-life scenarios put things in perspective and you all probably can't even give out true-life scenario information. So, if I stepped on toes, I do apologize. Thanks so much for clarifying about the "budget for adoption" question on the forms. I should have guessed there was more behind it than just, "How much money do you want to spend?" Once again, there are some questions that have right and wrong answers. You all are sneaky, but with a purpose. And, just let me say again that Abrazo will go the distance in keeping costs as low as possible, knowing that you have to feed and clothe your child once you take placement. But, the costs can still be high, so remember, this is a child your investing in, not a car that loses value as soon as you drive off the lot. If it costs as much, remember that he/she appreciates in value over time and so will your life. You all are asking great questions and I hope your getting some good answers! Christina

Dear Transitioning from Dog Mom, You'll find most people reticent about talking real numbers here. I think they don't want to sound like buying and selling, etc. And there are so many variables. Still, finances are an important issue in this process, so I'm going to give you a little more info to use to make your own plans. You can get good numbers estimates from Abrazo, but here are a few cases I know about or am familiar with that can show the ranges you might expect. I know of an adoption in which the case estimate (that's the paper faxed or delivered to prospective adoptive parents so they can evaluate an individual case before matching or agreeing to a BOG placement) was about $30K. That case had high medical bills, which were negotiated down by Abrazo, but were still high. Those bills were the main factor in increasing the cost of that case over the sometimes lower numbers you'll see bandied about. The agency fees are all cut and dried, so there's no guessing on those (again, you can get real numbers from Abrazo), the variables are in prenatal care, hospitalization/medical costs, counseling for prospective mothers or birthmothers who have placed, etc. Generally, you're going to have some groceries, etc. for the brithmother, maybe housing. Still, those are all very easily figured. It's the medical that varies widely from case to case. The number provided on the case estimate does not include attorneys fees for finalization. Based on ours and those of others, I think that this will run about $2000, some a little under, some a little over. I do not know if out-of-state adoptions cost more, as I only know numbers of in-state. There are other legal fees in the estimate (termination of rights, notification by publication, etc.), but again those will vary by case (father known/unknown, father agrees/disagrees with plan, etc.). Another case, the estimate was lower, but still relatively high (closer to $20K, if I remember correctly). However, ultimately the number was considerably lower (closer to $13K) due to Medicaid coverage of the birth and hospitalization of child and mother. No one can completely predict when those things are going to be covered, so that's why the higher estimate (just in case) was pleasantly undercut. In cases where you are choosing whether to match, you'll have some idea if Medicaid coverage is possible, filed for, etc. Still, there are sometimes flies in the ointment, like moving from one town to the next means the birthmother may have to refile for coverage. Remember, that you must look at your own finances and truly gauge what is possible or impossible. You'll reveal this number to Abrazo before taking a look at any cases and they will not ask you to consider a case that you have indicated is beyond your means at the time. Also, you can turn down a case without fear of being shoved to the end of the line, etc. That is why they give you case estimates and medical disclosure information. You need to search your heart to know if you can take on a particular child's circumstances BEFORE you say yes. It's usually a pretty quick decision to have to make, but Abrazo tries to give you all the information they have to help you. Ultimately, you need to know your limitations ahead of time. You don't want to have to agonize over a cost or a medical condition when you know a baby is waiting. That's why the application form is so brutal in requiring you to layout which medical conditions, legal situations, and financial situations you are comfortable facing. You don't want to have to make those kinds of decisions on the fly when emotions run high and time can be short. So, while you are "looking forward" to those costs associated with adoption because they mean a child in your arms (and oh so much more), be honest in your evaluation of what you can handle. You want to make sure that there isn't just enough money to bring home your child, but plenty to provide those necessities and even some luxuries as well as the all-important opportunities you long to. (I know, I think my participle is dangling. Oh, well!) Be a good steward of what you've worked so hard to build up (and qualify for in the case of loans or grants) to make the most of it for the benefit of your child. It's great that you have some employee benefits regarding adoptions. Those are not as plentiful as I'd like to see. And you'll have noticed others discussing how their disability insurance, paid for over the years in the happy anticipation that it would bear some of the costs during maternity leave doesn't apply in the case of an adoption, because the leave isn't medical in nature when the adoptive mother didn't give birth. There are still limitations to how "equally" adoptive families and birthing families are treated in the realms of insurance and leave coverage. You'll want to check out those details for yourself (some are required in the Abrazo application process) to make sure what the specifics for you will be. Get yourself as well-informed as you can, and you'll find yourself less stressed as you wait to bring home your first non-furry (though my daughter is quite fuzzy ) blessing. Good luck as you work through this long but rewarding journey, Christina

Amen! Christina

I know some of you may find this last message disheartening, but please don't. Abrazo is an awesome agency, as the many testimonials on this Forum continue to extole (sp?). However, it isn't the only agency and it isn't the best agency for every family, birth or adoptive. We all come into this process with specific needs and expectations. Abrazo tries to clearly state its needs and expectations so that those interested can choose wisely. And hopefully, you state yours clearly to them in your communications and paperwork so that the two sides can get an honest picture and judge whether the respective goals and intentions align. But, many people start here with our beloved Forum instead of with direct agency contact. With so much information on the Forum, though, it may take a little while for prospective adoptive families to get a good feel for it all and so they may not recognize a good or ill fit until later. That is why I continue to urge "newbies" to contact the agency directly. Truly talk to and really listen to Angela, or Elizabeth if she's fielding calls that day. How comfortable you feel in that/those conversation(s) will be a good gauge for the "fit" of this agency to your family. And yes, waiting for phone calls may seem like it takes forever, after all, you want to get started NOW, but knowing for certain that you've found the right agency for you (whether you're an adoptive family or an expectant mother considering placement of your child) will make all the difference in the world. And know, adoptive family, that reaching the point of sending in your inquiry or application does not mark the end of the growth you're going to experience. It's no time for "Whew. Now we're ready!" Adoption is going to stretch you and your heart in ways you cannot fathom. It's good, but the stretching can hurt. And if Abrazo needs you to grow to be really ready for your child, don't you think the pain is worth it? And if Abrazo is not suited to provide the services you need, don't you want to find that out up front and not way down the line? This process is profoundly personal (inspecting my septic tank? ), so you're going to be vulnerable and feelings can get hurt. Remember, that Abrazo is focused on the needs of the child, maybe your child, and keep that at the forefront of your mind and heart as you deal with the trials and tribulations of growing your family. Oh, how I remember the nervous days of waiting to see if we would be "accepted". I empathize with you and revel in the joy that is yours to come. You can see my family and the hundreds of other families on here at the end of the tunnel and know that this journey (taken with Abrazo or another agency) does work and it is worth it. Blessings as you wait! It won't be the last time! Christina

Dear Transitioning and Others, Beyond gifts and nursery, start examining your heart and home to make sure it's ready for the new lives you wish to welcome there. It is very easy to be all "Baby Fever" and not all that "Baby Wise". The joy and exuberance are wonderful, but temper them with realistic expectations. If you've been through infertility (which you probably have or you wouldn't be here) you probably are ready for only a positive experience. I know we were. But, no road to parenthood is completely smooth. So, strap in for the ride, know you're among friends, and know that there really is a child for you. That said, the Abrazo application will ask you really tough questions. You have got to be honest, otherwise Abrazo won't be able to help you match with your birthfamily or child. Be brutally honest about what you can and cannot accept. If what you put there has you misaligned with Abrazo's vision, they will let you know, help you realign or find you a better fitting agency. Don't say you're ready for everything if you're not. That's not fair to yourself or to Abrazo when they start presenting you with possible matches and you have to turn them down for one reason or another. Read! Read! Read! There are lots of resources available to explain what open adoption is (and isn't) and to help you come to terms with the issues of adoption. There are some. Speak with other adoptive (& birth) families. Find out the "real" story, not just the short synopsis you get on this amazing but limited forum. And talk with the Ladies at Abrazo to clarify expectations, check your fit, etc. You want to go through this process with the agency best-suited to the needs of your child. Find that agency and you will find your child. Best wishes for a wonderful, bumpy ride, Christina

"With Abrazo it is NEVER too soon to start thinking about nursery stuff!!" Or in our case, for Baby number 2. But remember, your willingness to open your home to your child is your key to success here. You are building a family that will more than likely include one or more birthfamily members, in addition to your new child. Start preparing your heart to grow inconceivably larger and you'll be ready for whatever comes your way. Christina

Claudia, Yes, we have family there! Our birthmom! We reestablished contact at the end of May and plan to visit her next weekend. It is a verrrrrrrrry long drive (11 hours), but we feel it's worth it. Right now, we're waiting to hear from her to make our final plans. Last year we stayed at the hotel behind Rudy's in Pfarr. (Holiday Inn Express, I think) Don't know where we're staying this year. Birthmom is actually in Donna, but everything seems to run together. Are there fun (and cool) places to go with lots of kids? We'll have 6 between us. Last year we went to S. Padre and this year we'll probably visit Robert's cousin in Harlingen, but have made no other specific plans. We mostly hung out at the hotel with our birthmom last year. She hadn't told anyone, so I guess she was afraid to be seen. This year the cat is way out of the bag, so maybe that won't be the same issue. I don't want to spend lots of hours in a hotel with two rambunctious toddlers this year, so was hoping we could find places to go where she'd feel comfortable (Chuck E. Cheese is always an option, I suppose). It would be great to see you all again, so if you want to PM me your phone and address, we'll see if we can have some time to see you. I'm sure Dante has changed so much since Camp Abrazo 2005! We're going to get into town around late lunch time Friday and then we'll leave Monday morning early to drive the whole way home. So, thanks for the offer and you might be hearing from us. Stephanie, I was mostly kidding, but know that you will listen closely for God's word on this. I can't imagine being better equipped for a NICU baby than to have been through it twice and survived/thrived. We're really not ready for another one at our house, but I so love knowing that children are finding their forever families. And if you're not supposed to bring this one home, perhaps you are meant to stand in the gap until the right family is ready. I don't know if the law would allow you to be involved, if you're not the matched parent, but I believe you absolutely qualified to love this child to full health. Just my take on a very weighty matter. Our prayers will continue unabated. Oh, and Stephanie, I think you're in Edinburg, too. So, if you want to meet some more Abrazo babies, just let me know. Christina

Perhaps Owen needs a "little" sister to cherish before he gets that little brother to play with We're on our way to the Valley next weekend but Robert told me "No!". Spoil sport. We'll keep these BOGs in our prayers as well as their birth and adoptive families (whoever they will be). Christina

Um, ours were single sided pages. But a total of 6 pages. I don't know what the ruling from on high is on this, but all the samples they ever gave us were six pages they had stapled together. Full-color fronts and completely blank backs. Remember, the original will stay with Abrazo, so if you really want to keep it, make two. And then you'll provide Abrazo with 10 full-color, card-stock copies and they'll use your copies/mail/fax fee to make more (from the original) if necessary. Perhaps a friendly staff member will give final word on the layout so you don't have to make any overseas calls to find out the little stuff. Save those for birthparent calls!!! Good luck, Christina

Okay, I know I didn't get a chance to meet all of you today, but you now know who I am. I am well-acquainted with one of the againer couples so am truly dying to know which one of you took placement. We're so excited for you all and very glad to have had the opportunity to share our story alongside those awesome birthmoms. How humbled we were in their presence. Very glad that you all got to hear from them, too, as I know it will help you bring this process into perspective. Good luck all, and will the blessed couple please 'fess up!!!! Christina