MotherGoose

Gosh! It's been a long time since we were Forum regulars. (Life seems to speed up as the kids get bigger.) But I was online today and just wanted to stop by and wish everyone good luck! Abrazo was a big part of our family's beginning and it's good to see their still going strong.

What a nice story! Congratulations!!

We don't have any adoptions in the family right now but several babies and I'm plumb out of ideas for the holidays. Anybody have tips on creative presents for infants???

This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend. The last line says it all. Dear Bertha, I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank. "Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know. It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance! So, dance, old friend! Yours, Ethel

CONGRATS!!! It's fun for us "oldtimers" to see you new people through from start to finish. (It definitely brings back memories.) Can't wait to see pictures!! Enjoy every minute.

How do you balance things? I wonder if there are instances when the Birthparents might feel jealous of their family's contact with the adoptive family. Especially, if your family didn't agree with the adoption until long after it was done? How should adoptive families handle that?

Question: does it bother birth-grandparents if the baby's adoptive parents are closer to the birth-grandparents' age than the birthparent's age??

I wanted to add a piece of advice. For parents to-be, start a journal or diary when you get home from orientation!! Even though it seems like a days between Birthparent calls are years, the time does go quicker than you think. One day you'll be home with your baby and wish you remembered more of the details along the way! There's lots of special things you and the Birthparents of your baby chat about during pregnancy that will be too soon forgotten. There's those dear moments when you get the signs that this is the right thing. Also, copy the monthlies you send the agency once your home with your baby, too! Put the reports in your baby book, you'll be glad you did. And don't forget to take your camera along, everywhere. When you go to orientation, when you meet your Birthparents for the 1st time, outside the Hospital where the baby is born, when you go to the agency for Placement Day, when you go to the final court hearing. Save everything! Even little things like parking receipts or the front page of the newspaper on the day the baby is born or their first outfit, that little stuff means so much more as the years go by. (IMHO. ) Good luck!

I would second what Lisa and Pamela said. Abrazo does a good job of telling you what to expect at orientation, and we found them very professional, and above board. But they definitely expect you to get yourself ready from the start!! I don't think Abrazo has the staff or the time to do the kind of hand-holding you might expect (ex: no monthly in-person meetings or anything like that), they're pretty small and very busy most of the time. But then, after all the time we spent going through infertility and then counseling, we didn't go to Abrazo for hand-holding, we went to find a baby! And THAT is what they are especially good at! They did call us once or twice a month to see how we were doing during the wait. But their focus is taking care of their birthmothers. I think some people in our orientation resented that. But we felt good about it, we wanted to work with an agency that put birthmothers first. That seemed important to us (then and now). I think how connected you feel with them would probably depend on the effort you made to stay connected. They are definitely a class act and we tell everyone we know to go there!! Good luck to you whatever you decide!!

HOW WILL OUR CHILDREN KNOW WHO THEY ARE IF THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM? --John Steinbeck

Welcome, arb93! All your questions reminded me of us when we started out, don't know if I can answer all of them but, here's for starters. We liked Abrazo because they work with people from all over ( and yes, there were people in our orientation from Virginia by the way.) The info about how long orientation is and the agency policies we got in the agency mailings before we signed up. As for hand holding, we had each other and our home study worfkers for this so it was more important to us that Abrazo be there for our birthparents. Which they were!!! But no they are not at the hospital for the birth, I think there are rules against that. Expenses, we found the agency's estimates were right on but we probably should have figured in more for our own costs (like travel and so on). You can read all the different reasons for people choosing Abrazo under "Heart to Heart". How long it takes, I can't say because lately it seems like the agency needs more couples without children. (And how long to match after you get in might depend on what you'4re looking for and how you are with Open Adoption) but good luck to you, let us know how it goes for you!

I wonder, what is it you're wondering about this? [You must have lots on your mind because that's a very good question you brought up.] Maybe 1 bad reason is, if it's just to get back at someone else. [We'd feel awful if our boys first moms could have kept them but went with adoption just to hurt their boyfriends or parents.] Also, if it was just all about getting $$ in exchange for giving up a baby like in shady blackmarket adoption deals, that would seem wrong. Good luck to you!

Lisa, your mom must be a very special lady. And she is rightfullly proud of her daughter ! Reading her story made me think of how hard it must be for mothers when their daughters go thru this. Who do they turn to, to talk abou5t it? Even if they knew about the pregnancy from day one it still must raise up all sorts of questions. And worries about how others will view their duaghters. (And even themselves as mothers.) I could see how maybe some parents don't want to know even when they need to. Because as parents we always want to make things better. And how could anyone do that in this kind of situation>? I'm wondering if some of the Birthmothers here have any ideas on whether it was better to tell their moms or their dads or other relatives, + why or why not?

Somebody who's thinking of adopting thru Abrazo called us last week. They wanted to know if we had any advise? After thinking about it this is what we thought of. Maybe others can to the list? -1- Get the application in fast, that way you have a better choice of week-ends for Orientation. And keep a copy for yourself. . (Also, maybe then if the agency has a baby with no paerents you might get considered ahead of time??) -2- Take lots of "fun" pictures of you and your spouse as a couple and get them developed before Orientation. (we had few to none and wished we had done this before hand.) -3- Call home study workers in your area right away, ask if they work with Texas rules, how long it takes and get price quotes so it can get started as soon as you're accepted .