Runyan2002

Ok I will contact them and let them know, see if they are ready yet. I do however know of a family that has a child already (3 yrs old) that might also be interested if she relaxation her stance on childless at all. They live in state. P.s.just reread my post. It wasn't supposed to be why do they have to live ib Texas...just do they have to live in Texas. I know why they would prefer that. Lol. I hate touchscreen and fat fingers.

Too bad it's childless... ah well. I might know of someone though -why do they have to live in Texas?

This makes me sad for Sandra because she obviously didn't know what was going on. It's not like the baby came after everything came out for her. The baby came before, and I can't imagine the heartbreak of having to hand a baby back after all she's been through. I love that she is going to adopt him as a single parent. It can work, and I hope it does. I don't see any fraud in her since she didn't know about it and many people hold dark secrets. If she had been pregnant we all would do nothing but be terribly sad for her. I think even the best homestudy worker can't be expected to get every secret out. It does make her act in The Blind Side that much more personal for me. Nothing like a little personal experience to help you act. ETA: I did see the Jesse James and the neo-nazi stuff and have to admit I was pretty shocked at that. I didn't know anything about it, hadn't heard rumors on it until after it came out. But if there were rumors the social worker should have done some digging. p.s. I don't think that the child will have a "better" life. I mean really, can any of us say for certain that our kids have a better life than they would have? We can't tell the future and very few of us have kids that were removed from extremely dangerous situations. So to say they would have a better life? Nope. But hopefully they will have a better life than what the birthmom had thought she could give.

Congratulations x 2! What fun!! Boy BLUE is really in season this year!

Yeah I bet that's it, different counties, different rules maybe. I don't think many adoptions are usually done right at the 6 month mark, but most get finalized between 6 - 8 months based on my lawyer here anyways. Good to know I've always wondered why that is different. Ah well, like I said, all is well that ends well I guess! And I'd say my ending was pretty darn awesome.

Elizabeth - I guess what I don't understand then is how my other agency, Buckner, most if not all of their adoptions are right at 6 months and the lawyer we used said we could basically schedule it for 6 months on the dot if we wanted! They are in Texas too so I wonder what the difference is? Other agencies I have heard also say they finalized in Texas right during the 6th month. Not that I can complain as I am pretty happy with the process also, I just wondered if their was a difference in the way filing happens?

Oh wow, I actually didn't know that! I am sure it was on my fee schedule but things were a bit "hectic" at the time. I do wish M had taken you up on that though. Not because i think she needs counseling but because I think it could have given her a healthy outlet and helped her put her thoughts together. Thanks for the info! One more thing - On the how it effects our family question I took it different I think than the question meant. Having contact changes EVERYTHING about our family versus if we didn't have contact. I can't imagine our family without M or M&N. After having a visit it's like a breath of fresh air. It's like seeing somebody you didn't realize you were missing as much as you were. Your family molds and adapts and suddenly they are as much as part of it as everyone else. I think just by knowing that they are so important to your kids make them so important to you. But it's like a piece of them, and you love the birthfamilies like they were your own. It's the most emotional part in adoption. But sometimes you get "stretch marks" from growing so fast, which would be the hard times...the getting used to your new family and vice versa. But it's okay because looking back you see the beauty of those stretch marks, they not only symbolize the change but your relationship is that much more involved and healthy because of them. We got a big dose of that with our first and the first couple of years. Funny because our second adoption has been so much easier than the first, and a lot of that is due to our security. I'm secure as a parent and more patient so I don't get hurt if M needs time or slips by calling herself Mommy or things of that nature. I could better tell M what she could expect in the way of contact, etc and she could sense my security. Because of this, she feels like she can control the relationship to what she needs and can handle. Sorry...I think I got off on a tangent here! P.s. you need to add a "What do you love about Abrazo" question too!

1) Where are you from? Dallas, Texas 2) Is there an Abrazo alumni group in your area that gathers once a year or more, and do you participate? Yes there are families here that we keep in touch with 3) How many adoptions have you completed through Abrazo? One 4) Is your family finished, or is there room for more? If so, how many more in your opinion (spouse's input aside, ha!) We definitely want one more, but we both really feel in our hearts that we are ready for a girl this next time (funny because I NEVER thought I'd gender specify but I feel a calling on this one). 5) What is (or was) your Friday night fear the second (or third) time around? The costs involved, time spent, not being chosen, and having the energy to go through it all again (the profile, being picked, changing their mind, losing out on money if they do), plus I worry about clicking as well with the birthmother as we did with my 2nd's and now with our 1st. 6) Are/were you more open to new adoption information/concepts the first time you adopted, or the next time around? Well yes and no. I know what works for my family and I know what I am capable of. This is actually very empowering and it's a nice comfort to know that I can be honest with a birthmother about our relationship which helps ensure we have a perfect fit. As in - my version of open would be pics and phone calls and visits but I'm terrible about sending letters and pics on time, so both our son's birthmothers keep up via facebook and myspace, which they and us prefer! 7) How did/does contact with your child/ren's birthfamily/birthfamilies impact you/your parenting style/your family? Hmmm well it really doesn't! I don't feel pressure from them to do a certain thing and they are respectful of us and our parenting style, they don't step in nor do they really want to! Christophers birthmom M says "Hey that's the one BENEFIT of adoption for me, I don't have to deal with the hard stuff like discipline I can be the awesome birthmom!" ROFL! Of course she still deals with plenty and we know that but it's a joke between us...like how I feel about my neice and nephew, I don't WANT to discpline them, but we would be open to suggestions too if they have some (they are both mom's to other children). 8) What one thing would you change about Abrazo, if you could? (You're veterans, so you're entitled to speak up! LOL) I wish Abrazo had one set fee and you don't lose money if the birthmom's change their mind. I wish they wouldn't accept couples that are only open to biracial kids and not full AA, I wish they didn't have different fees (Even though this is the only reason we were able to adopt), I wish they weren't as expensive and sometimes I feel like they are a little quick to judge and not sensitive enough to aparents. Also, I wish there was a licensed therapist working with the expectant mothers to counsel them before and after the adoption. One more thing...I wish the eparents had more counseling before they chose adoptive parents. I feel like we are a little quick to match when the emom is only a few months pregnant and just started thinking about adoption. I feel like they need to decide if adoption is right for them, before they decide on the aparents and add another pressure involved. I know some mom's like this but I just don't feel like it's the right step for them emotionally... That of course is just my few pennies worth of thoughts, there are many things I love about Abrazo too!

Congrats!! What a beautiful Christmas surprise!!

No we probably will not be in this group this spring, but stranger things have happened! LOL!!

Why while reading that was the Mission:Impossible song going in my head? LOL!! I think this sounds like a lot of fun and can't wait to see how it plays out!

I do agree very much Karen - I have to find a way to accept the usage of the word. I had to do this with many things, people calling thier birthparents mom and dad, to people saying adoption is unnatural. It's hard at first but then you grow to appreciate and it doesn't hurt so much anymore when people say these things. I actually feel that way about mom and dad. I think I'd cringe less if people called M or N Mom vs Natural Parent. I'm not sure why that is? Maybe it's as you say - I'm seeing it as saying we are un-natural and I need to do some soul searching and tell myself that's not really the case. I guess maybe it's yet another reminder of how my family is not a natural family, and being a transracial family on top of an adoptive family I think I am constantly bombarded with reminders of that. Yup...I think that is my issue with natural parent. I understand I'm not natural, but it gets really hard to hear it all the time. I think I'm fully confident in my role as mom to these two beautiful black boys until something like this pops up and I realize just how tiring it can be. For some reason natural parent on a legal document isn't nearly as offensive as using the words every day to me...I'm not sure why that is? Now, that being said this is my own personal fight, my own insecurities I need to pan out. When it comes to my boys I will tell them the positive meaning natural can have, and I will supress my feelings as much as possible, especially if they choose to use this terminology.

I agree, in the end it's about whatever you are most comfortable with. I just believe the first and most foremost opinion should be the child's. I personally don't really like nurtural either. I don't know, it makes me feel more like I'm a foster parent than just mom. I just can't imagine saying "natural mom" to my son without a big slap in the face reminder than I am not his "NATURAL" mom and that adoption is so very "unnatural". That really isn't needed IMO, where first parent you are honoring thier role in your child's lives, even birth parent...I guess I don't understand how birth parent and natural parent are different? With birth you are saying you just gave birth, with natural you are saying you are only his natural mom, assumably by birth. I just wonder how natural parent is going to make the child feel. Again, I respect everyone's opinion and enjoy this conversation very much.

While I appreciate honest adoption language, this is about the child. Adoption is about the child, and the fact that they were once adopted...we can't make that out to be negative and I think honest adoption language is doing just that. There is a line between honest and hurt. I don't think that using some of those words are any more honest than the positive adoption language, and with positive we are telling the child that it's positive (wether or not the adoption was a negative experience or not for the birth parent, we still owe it to the child to make it out to be positive as much as we can IMO, or at least while they are young). We can't forget that positive language isn't about offending certain people, it's about the child and how they feel about it, or at least that is how I see it. I still hate the word natural. Telling my child that his "natural parent" is his birth parent also tells them that since they are not parenting them at the time we are an "unnatural" family. While I appreciate that adoption isn't "natural" I also believe very much that God had his hand in it, which makes it natural, just as anything God creates is. For me, I'm simply mom, or the parent. He is my son, not my adopted son, and she is thier birth or better yet FIRST parent. She is also just mom if he chooses, and I sometimes even use that, but she also is very respectful to us so that makes a huge difference in feeling threatened, etc). Positive adoption language isn't about making adoption appear to be this glorious love story, instead it's about making the child feel like it is a positive thing. It's about the child.

It's so sad, and I will say big prayers for the family. What a horrible loss...

CONGRATULATIONS NORA!!!! I hope to see you and the precious baby girl soon!!!

Congratulations to all!! Whew what a week!! God is so good!

CONGRATULATIONS, TARA AND ERIC!!! YAHOO!!! I'm so excited for you, and you are both simply BEAMING!! And oh oh oh how sweet Hugo is!!! Looks like those summer walks aren't that far off after all!! LOL! Natalie

Truley MANY prayers being answered on this one!!!!!! YAAAAAAY! YAY YAY!

Well I'm officially jealous - it sounds heavenly!! Good luck on your journey - it's one amazing ride!

First of all - when talking to our children about adoption, I don't make anything MY opinion. Like "We can give you a better life." or "they can't afford you" or "they weren't ready for you." instead add some simple words like "They wanted what they thought would be a better life for you." or "They wanted more for you than what they could give you." because it wasn't up to me, it was what they wanted for them. that is just me though...hopefully I'm not way off. I always laugh at what people feel is necessary. Why, for example, do we all have these big expensive homes and find them necessary? Remember what most of us grew up in? Most were half the size. And don't get me started on all the "must be new" stuff. I love hand-me-downs or consignment sales. That is just SMART! I'm also not sure I agree with that "calculator". There are a lot of things that society thinks you "need" when in actuality you don't. Kristal - I so agree with you!! While I think you should be smart about family planning (be able to afford the basics) money should not be everything. A part of me thinks that our society has become selfish, which might explain the "average size" of families decreasing more and more. The one thing i hate about adoption is that finances are such a huge part of it. Not ony the cost of the adoption but having a social worker look over all your finances to make sure you can afford another child "in thier opinion". Which isn't so scary for those of us with excellent social workers but I have heard some really horrid stories. As much as it takes financially to raise a child, a child is a gift from God, and he does provide. So we have to trust in His plan...

I just know for Catholics, but no it is definetely NOT a sin (though I think the Catholic church needs to push adoption more of an option for mothers...not just preaching about abortion being wrong. Give these girls an option!

Ha ha! Well I don't plan on having 12 kids, but my grandparents did, and then each of them had between 4 and 9 kids of thier own...and thier kids are having up to 5 kids already...I have over 100 cousins on one side! But I'm not nearly as close with them as I am my other side. Eh - you have the mini van now, why stop with 2? Or 3...or 4....LOL!

You should see my BIG FAT CATHOLIC FAMILY!! Once you get into the tried and true Catholics you talk about some BIG families!! Love the BMW!